It’s a lovely day in the autumn, and you are a horrible goose. Well, at least you would be if you played Untitled Goose Game. The season changed, and the weather is perfect for a socially-distanced-from-others picnic. So I thought this week appropriate to release my Untitled Goose Game-inspired recipe for picnic ploughman sandwiches.
Click here to skip to the recipe for Goose Game Picnic Sandwiches.
Goose Game On!
If you’ve never heard of the Untitled Goose Game, take a gander here and I’ll bring you up to speed. This stealth video game of simplistic graphics takes place in a peaceful village in the English countryside. You play a mischievous goose who wants to liven up the pastoral monotony by helping humans with their daily tasks such as the washing,
and the gardening.
Look how helpful he is! He even put together a picnic for his human friends.
So when Untitled Goose Game released co-op mode in the latest update, I wanted to make a recipe you can share with a fellow horrible goose enthusiast. And I replayed the whole game — garden, corner-shop, backyard, pub, and town. I only found two food items that weren’t ingredients: strawberry jam and picnic sandwiches.
It didn’t make much sense that strawberry jam would be on those unusually durable sammies. After all, you see strips of red, yellow, and green. And my knowledge of British butties doesn’t normally include fruit jam. It’s either the star ingredient or mixed in with raisins, curry, and chicken. Also, making jam is a long process that doesn’t lend well to virtually terrorizing a quaint English village.
So honk if you’re hungry, my gluttonous gaggle! We’re going on a picnic.
Goose on the Loose!
Determining the type of sandwich shown topped my list of to-do’s when developing this recipe. Its ability to remain pristine and triangular despite my numerous photo staging attempts reminded me of my honeymoon in the UK. Most grocery stores in the UK have a quick sandwich meal deal, usually 2-3 pounds. Sure, grocery store sandos sound mediocre and gross, but you don’t understand. We made a point of picking up this deal almost every morning and afternoon. Why? They were cheap, but mostly they tasted SO DAMN GOOD!
Why do I miss TESCO and Waitrose? It’s their sandwiches. I digress, though. So then I went to TESCO’s site and got scrolling to find the flawlessly constructed butty of goose game fame. The closest I got was the Ploughman — tomato, lettuce, cheese, and Branston Pickle on sweet, malted wheat bread.
It was time to go shopping.
First, Branston Pickle is a Ploughman essential. This very British condiment is a chutney made from rutabaga, carrots, onions, and cauliflower preserved in vinegar, tomato, and apple. I chose Publix because, unlike Kroger, they actually sell more British staples than just a stack of chocolate bars. There I sent my 3D-printed waterfowl with a checklist and a mission.
Traditionally the Ploughman uses plum (Roma) tomatoes, green leaf lettuce, and cheddar cheese. I went with bibb lettuce because of its texture, and it was in better shape that day. I also went with white cheddar because the orange stuff we see in American grocery stores is dyed — not at all what you’d find on a standard Ploughman.
The next thing you need to do is make that cheese spreadable. Cheddar is not a melting cheese, so that’s why we instead grate it up and mix it with unsalted butter.
I don’t think everyone quite understands the role bread plays in the taste of a sandwich. Too strong, like rye, will overpower the mix. Too bland, and you get smacked in the face with vinegary pickle. That’s why you want to find a bread that’s as close as to malted wheat bread as you can. Malted wheat tends to be sweeter, nuttier than most wheat bread.
Unfortunately, though, it’s not sold in the states. That’s why I went with a honey-wheat bread for its sweetness. If you can find a brand that also has seeds on top, that’s even better.
So grab a sandwich, an apple, a thermos, a radio, a carrot, and a friend and waddle over to a blanket by the lake! Because the best thing about a picnic, other than the inexplicable cabbage, is sharing it with someone.
Honk for your Supper!
If you plan to cook the recipe off the site, keep scrolling. However, while access to recipes on the blog will always be free, I now have printable PDF recipe cards and thematic cook-along Spotify playlists as rewards for those who choose to support the blog.
The printable recipe cards and playlist for Untitled Goose Game Picnic Sandwiches will be available as a $2 donor reward on my Ko-Fi page until the next post goes up.
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Equipment: Refrigerator, cutting board, cheese grater, kitchen knife.
- 8 slices malted wheat or honey wheat bread
- 4 oz. aged cheddar cheese, finely grated
- 4 oz. unsalted butter, softened
- 1 roma tomato, sliced thinly
- 1/4 cup Branston pickle
- 1/2 head bibb lettuce, ribs removed and leaves chopped
- Blend the grated cheese and butter a bowl with a spoon until it makes a uniform paste. Divide into quarters.
- Spread a half-tablespoon of Branston pickle on each piece of bread. Add a quarter of cheese mixture to the middle of four of the slices and spread outward to cover.
- Layer sliced tomato on the left third of the cheese-covered bread. Add lettuce to the right third.
- Top the sandwiches with the other slices of bread and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes before cutting into triangles.
- Chill until serving with an apple, a jar of strawberry jam, a carrot, a cabbage, a pumpkin, a thermos, a basket, a radio, and a rake in the lake.